This is Forty Five

August 14, 2020

I wasn’t going to talk about it. I love myself.

It’s just another day in my new norm living on a farm. You see, we recently relocated to have a better life, take on some new adventures, and slooooow downnnnnnn. As I started to apply foundation to my round cheeks and gloss to my full lips, I laughed and thought, “what are you doing”? It’s been a very long time since I have put on make-up for pictures. So, as I started to unfold the tripod, I blurted out…”No Seriously!!! What are you DOING”? My normal self talk started to rise up through my throat like word vomit as all the horrible things I have told myself in the past started to roll around in my head.

You’re too old to get the type of weddings you want…

You’re so old now you can barely keep up with the weddings you want…

Look at all that grey in your head…you look like the Crypt Keeper…

And as the shutter started to click, my smile started to fade. And not too long after that, the tears started to fall. Five images in and I had drowned out all the positivity with negativity.

So, I took a break, started to play with Rico, and then decided to snag a few pics with him, since we don’t have many pictures with him. I asked myself in-between pictures… “Girl you are going to be 45 tomorrow. When are you really going to love yourself? Like, ALL of yourself…? 

photographer plays with her dog during a Love Myself photoshoot

The answer came as I continued to push through my little mini photoshoot…

And the answer is…today.

Happy Birthday to Me!

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