Self Doubt Go Away!!

July 3, 2015

So every time I decide to start something new in my life I go in and research like crazy but what I realized is that I was researching failure rates, reasons why I couldn’t accomplish whatever it was that I was trying to accomplish. I used to want be a gymnast but I realized early on no one looked like me I was too dark too tall and too big. When I saw Betty Okino I cried! She did it and I felt bad immedietly for quiting something I really loved.

I have every reason why what I want to do is not something within reach for someone like me. So who is someone like me? What does that mean? Someone like me was looking different then a lot of my peer group different race, not being able to shop at the same store my friends did; I shop at the big girl store, never feeling educated enough; on a scholarship I still didn’t get that BA, different economical class; when it comes to classes we were lower my mom was a single mom of three and we ate that nasty government cheese which to this day I can’t eat American cheese, like ever!! Even typing this now I’m thinking why do you blog your grammar sucks!!  So you see I had decided early on I was too different to really connect or make an impact.

Well fast forward to now, me and my best friend were sitting with our feet in the pool and were laughing and sharing and she said “isn’t it funny how close we are like sisters when we are so opposite?” She was right we couldn’t be more different. She’s every opposite I just listed above and yet the love there almost seems like we grew up in the same house. She then went on to remind me how I have been given a gift from God to connect. Birds of a feather never fully resignated with me as I hung out and connected with everyone. I’m so grateful God gave me this heart with the capacity to love those who are different and similar to me. If people were to make assumptions about me based on how I looked or based on the things that I used to allow to hold me back they will miss out on a good thing. I love deep and strong and I genuinely want to know you, meet you and, know what makes you tick.

I love our differences it’s what makes our world beautiful and God created us different for a reason. I still haven’t looked up the failure rates for photographers or business owners. I just picked up my camera and knew this would be a long term love affair for me, what happened to the owner down the street needs to not be my compass for my future. Besides my marriage and my son I haven’t believed in anything this strongly my whole life. Validation where in the past was needed I don’t need it now it’s nice but when your where you know God has you, you keep pushing and I will let my hard work and practice show through my pictures. Basically I’m letting God be my guide through this life and as long as I do those negative thoughts can be managed controlled and stomped out. I won’t over analyze over think or let myself quit when it feels uncomfortable!

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