September 24, 2015

So for the last week the word embrace has been on my mind every morning as I go through my morning routine. I knew where it was coming from, but I kept pushing the word to the back of my mind, because when I looked around I wasn’t feeling like doing too much embracing, besides of course my hubby, my baby and fur kids. They could get all the embracing they wanted. But embracing myself?, no way man! I felt like too much of a hot mess. The week before I had the commute from h-e-double hockey sticks, and I had an awesome engagement shoot, BUT I got some pics that my assistants took of me in the frame. Maybe it was the long commute but I began to dissect every single inch of that treacherous image, from the curls on the top of my head, my sweaty face, to my boring little ballerina slippers.  I then moved this negativity on to my job, my business, which then rolled into my house, and it just went on and on for about a week. I literally complained about life ALL the way home from work to my husband, all that was wrong with our home, my job, my hair, it was just ugly.

My husband patiently listened to me gripe and whine and then he did what men do who love their wives, he began to problem solve. He understands this juggling act I have been doing to start my business and still maintain some dignity as the queen of our household, although I have been behaving more like a vagabond. I have spent more time away from home then I have at home, and it has started to take it’s toll as I want to be that woman who cooks, and does my hubby’s laundry, and rather then Samson being the first face, me being the first face my son see’s when he opens the door after school. There are so many things that could change this of course and some are low hanging fruit and others are larger hills we have to climb, but the bottom line for me is to embrace.

You see acceptance and embrace are two different things to me. Acceptance would be being ok with the situation and not being worried about making it different, embrace meaning embracing the situation and taking an attitude of gratefulness for where I am at now. I need to embrace my situations and pray for God’s wisdom on when and how the big things are supposed to change in my life, but in the mean time, the self hate needs to cease. I woke up not physically looking any different and nothing in my life has changed but my attitude has. I put on my same clothes those same ballerina slippers, and I looked stinkin cute! I looked in the mirror and said “Lord I will embrace this because you made me and will meet me just where I am”. When we read our daily verse this morning I was so humbled because I knew the Lord was hearing my silent cry.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 138

Now talk about that for reinforcement. I pray for men and women alike to embrace themselves and remove self doubt and self hate, because we are wonderfully made!

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