I love being a mother. I was a single mom for a long time and even when I would get frustrated I remember stopping and thanking God because I knew motherhood was not possible for everyone and I was grateful. As me and my husband work through our own fertility issues, and we ask God for a new little one, I look at my 12yr old and my heart aches for his future. I know there will be times when he will feel lost, sad, and despondent, and unlike his boo boos, I can’t fix it, only God can. So I have taken on a hard approach with him, I have always been tough and I want his loving little tender heart to also have a tough strong presence. I try and create balance, but do I go too far sometimes?
My son is not your average sized 12yr old, and at about 8yrs old we realized he was a “bigger” kid. In the 5th grade he was pretty maliciously for being bigger and we ended us up in the pastors office of our church. It was a blessing because now Todd has formed a long term friendship with that pastor and he has a spirit led mentor. Todd likes to stand out in the crowd, he loves to sing to his classmates and still enjoys watching the Disney channel. He also loves to control situations and has a leadership mentality that not every child at his age can appreciate. So sometimes he makes himself the center of attention, which he is learning leads to some negative and some positive reinforcement from his peers.
This year I have seen Todd start the transition out of adolescence and it has been hard because he recognizes that he looks different the other kids his age. Stacking up at the 95% percentile for his weight and 90% percentile for his height, we know that it’s just a matter of time before he walks into the kitchen and he is towering over me. As my husband and I try and prepare him for the future I sometimes wonder if I am the reason why he won’t take off his swim top at the pool? Always downing the way I look, and then getting on him for his diet, and telling him to get out there and get some exercise. Part of me is telling him because he is preparing for football, and the other part because I am afraid he will struggle with weight just like me. I don’t want that life for him, so I am trying to set the tone for him now because I know what it is like going through life struggling with weight and creating a routine for health and wellness. So fast forward to yesterday where my husband took Todd to the doctor for him to get his physical and the doctor tells my husband that Todd is doing “great” looks “great” and although he is taller and bigger has a great body and has a strong good build. Told him it was a good idea for us to cut back on the eating out but that Todd was a healthy good looking boy.
So it made me think, when was the last time I told my son he had a beautiful body without following up with…but you need to maybe do some push ups? I think there is a better way for my son to live a life of health and wellness and it starts with me, as I know I am the example he is looking at. We have struggled this season with where my son will be playing football and were faced with moving him up to an advanced league and hearing the head of the league and coaches say that Todd has the ability, talent and can contribute at a higher level made my husband and I question if we have been to critical of Todd’s talents? Both of us were athletes and competed at a high level, so our expectations and what we see might be different then others. Although I don’t want my son playing for the NFL, I want him training like he wants to play for the NFL. Well maybe I should have him train like a midget and play like a midget, have fun, make friends and learn to enjoy himself, his talents, and what he has to offer. I love my baby and I am not a perfect Mom as I am still a Mom in training. God created Todd and I know he is perfect, just perfect in his eyes.